A Cavern Large Enough

“You don’t always get the ending you want, the one you dreamed of for so long. But sometimes the ending you get creates a cavern large enough for a new beginning. And you can learn to love that new beginning.”  -shauna niequist

Something caught me off guard yesterday. In the midst of the joy of enjoying my 2-month-old, I felt a familiar twinge of pain. I remembered our adoption that never went through. I try not to be a "keep-your-head-down-and-push-through-life" kind of girl, but life happens. daily. Then something snaps me back to July of 2012 when we first began the adoption process and January 10, 2018 when it ended. I actually had to go back through my images to figure out when we started the process. The memories of this strong desire to adopt is starting to fade and it makes me want to weep.

My husband and I dreamed and longed to bring home a child through adoption and we waited (somewhat) patiently for longer than I ever thought we would, and then it ended. Borders closed. Dossier shredded. The path forward overgrown and lost.

I get to look into the eyes of our sweet miracle baby boy today and miraculously there is so much room in my heart to love him and at the same time love the one we lost.

I'm continuing to ride the waves that life brings and see how the rest of this story unfolds.