Avoidance

Scroll through insta, look at facebook, search the marketplace, post something I'm ISO, get coffee, clean the oil diffuser (I mean when was the last time I cleaned that?), what kind of batteries does the baby swing take?, search for said batteries, ok.....I guess I have no other excuse. Sit down and write already. The thing is, I want to do this. It's a breath of fresh air, but it is also scary and vulnerable and elicits all the feels. Wait, text a picture of the book recommendation I gave Jen. Ok, I'm back. Hold on, ask Ann about energy reading thing she mentioned last night. Ok, here I am. That should be it. 

When you go to sit down and do something that you feel hardwired for, are you motivated, distracted, insecure, or just relieved? It's truly a mixed bag for me. At times, I sit down and the words pour out and I think, "Hey, I'm smart, I have things to say. These things have value. Heck, these words might even bless someone." Then other times, I think, "Who am I kidding? All the words have been said, this is just redundant noise. It's not good enough." But then I'm reminded of an enlightened moment I had where I was talking to my friend about daily practice and pottery. As a potter, you can sit down and say, "I'm going to make 4 bowls today." and inevitably get annoyed and discouraged if the mark wasn't made. Or, you can sit down at the wheel everyday and just create something or nothing, just get your hands on the clay. Guess what? That has just as much value. 

So here I am, clicking on the keys because the practice has value. Our creativity has value regardless of outcome. You know the cliche "Life is a journey not a destination"? It's been used so many times, I forget it is so true. Life, all of this, is really about the process and being kind to ourselves in the midst. Perfectionism tells you it is all about the outcome, and that outcome better be flawless (for ourselves? to appease/please others?). A journey mindset tell you to keep moving and take the next best step.

Last year, I began The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. If you have any desire to take a closer look at your creativity, I highly recommend it. Cameron gives the permission I so desperately needed to just show up and write, and that the act of showing up has tremendous value. She regularly discusses in the book how creativity heals ourselves and others. I don't think I'm alone in needing healing, and we all have some kind of creative bent that can bring healing to ourselves and others.

At the very end of last year, I spent sometime reflecting. What happened this year? Where did I bloom? What areas of my life need more attention? Then, I set my eyes on the coming year. What do I want from this year? What are some spaces and things I want to push into? A word came to me - grounded. I naturally spend a lot of time in my head -  thinking, evaluating, pondering. Although there is no escaping this natural reality of mine, I want to be present and take notice of my feet on the ground at each moment. I want to allow myself to slow down enough to have the time to have an impromptu conversation with a friend or stranger, to take pleasure in simple moment with family or alone.  I want comfort and presence in my own body - a realization that my body shouldn't be a source of shame or even simply tolerance, but appreciation and love.

Do you have a direction you want to push into this year? Maybe a word that is framing your intention?