I quit
I began teaching in 2006. I'm driven and dedicated and there would be days that I would stay until 6 or 7 pm until I got to the point I wanted to be for the next unit (I preferred this over bringing it home). I did lots of professional development, became National Board Certified, and was setting my sights on my next goal when I got pregnant.
My daughter is now 6, but when I had her in November of 2013, I had no idea how torn I would feel between work and time with her. It was not financially possible for me to stay at home. My husband was also a teacher, and we would not be able to pay the bills if I didn't work. But, honestly, I didn't think I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I really liked working. So, my daughter went into day care when she was 3 months old, and I returned to teaching. The first couple of days were the worst. I would watch the daycare camera feed from my teacher computer and get upset that they weren't holding her and interacting with her more. At night when I would rock her to sleep, I'd cry because I didn't want to leave her the next day. I know the working mom thing can be healthy, but for me, I never figured it out. Maybe it wasn't balanced for me, too far tipped in the direction of work. I don't want to do anything half-assed, but the reality is that I was doing it all that way.
Fast forward to the beginning of 2016. I stopped teaching and started working part-time remotely doing admin work. It fit a lot better and met our financial needs as my husband was in a new career. My daughter was in preschool part time and I worked when she was at school and napped. Now she is a Kindergartener and I have an energetic baby boy. Recently even the part-time remote job is stretching, so I decided to give my notice. This hasn't been an easy choice. The money I earned has met bills and saved for the (always) unexpected. I am gritty and can power through and make the work schedule work, but for a season, I just need to do less.
For the first time since I started working at 15, I'm stopping for an undefined time. Not only does this grit against my desire for a plan but also I'm removing the safety net. And for me safety and security are king, but this time I'm going to following the leading of the ache that started when I first saw my daughter's face in 2013 and amplified in March of 2019 with my son and just be with them. Let me be clear and call it as it is- this is privilege. Yes, there are sacrifices, but I have enough to feed, house, and clothe my kids.
In reflecting on this journey and universal mom experience, can I request something? Moms, can we be compassionate with one another? Let working moms work and stay-at-home moms stay and don't assume to know why they made they choice. Maybe some have found their balance and it looks different than ours. Good for them. Maybe, like I have for years, are trying to gain their footing after having kids. Be nice, it's hard. Maybe they know what they want to do, but can't. This is real. I've been there too. Help, pray, hug, whatever - just be kind.
My daughter is now 6, but when I had her in November of 2013, I had no idea how torn I would feel between work and time with her. It was not financially possible for me to stay at home. My husband was also a teacher, and we would not be able to pay the bills if I didn't work. But, honestly, I didn't think I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I really liked working. So, my daughter went into day care when she was 3 months old, and I returned to teaching. The first couple of days were the worst. I would watch the daycare camera feed from my teacher computer and get upset that they weren't holding her and interacting with her more. At night when I would rock her to sleep, I'd cry because I didn't want to leave her the next day. I know the working mom thing can be healthy, but for me, I never figured it out. Maybe it wasn't balanced for me, too far tipped in the direction of work. I don't want to do anything half-assed, but the reality is that I was doing it all that way.
Fast forward to the beginning of 2016. I stopped teaching and started working part-time remotely doing admin work. It fit a lot better and met our financial needs as my husband was in a new career. My daughter was in preschool part time and I worked when she was at school and napped. Now she is a Kindergartener and I have an energetic baby boy. Recently even the part-time remote job is stretching, so I decided to give my notice. This hasn't been an easy choice. The money I earned has met bills and saved for the (always) unexpected. I am gritty and can power through and make the work schedule work, but for a season, I just need to do less.
For the first time since I started working at 15, I'm stopping for an undefined time. Not only does this grit against my desire for a plan but also I'm removing the safety net. And for me safety and security are king, but this time I'm going to following the leading of the ache that started when I first saw my daughter's face in 2013 and amplified in March of 2019 with my son and just be with them. Let me be clear and call it as it is- this is privilege. Yes, there are sacrifices, but I have enough to feed, house, and clothe my kids.
In reflecting on this journey and universal mom experience, can I request something? Moms, can we be compassionate with one another? Let working moms work and stay-at-home moms stay and don't assume to know why they made they choice. Maybe some have found their balance and it looks different than ours. Good for them. Maybe, like I have for years, are trying to gain their footing after having kids. Be nice, it's hard. Maybe they know what they want to do, but can't. This is real. I've been there too. Help, pray, hug, whatever - just be kind.
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